Remember how I talked about how sales copy is never written but assembled? That’s exactly what happens in this Lume “deodorant has been dumb for centuries” commercial.
When it comes to writing sales copy, there are sales templates you can use to build your open to close.
Each of these sales templates have their own structure elements.
Once you get better at building out your sales copy, you can mix and match sales templates along with their respective elements.
But as a quick refresher, let’s go over these 3 copywriting templates for better copy. We have:
- 4 Ps (Picture | Promise | Proof | Pitch)
- AIDA (Attention | Interest | Desire | Action)
- PAS (Problem | Agitate | Solve)
So we have three templates with the elements that make up their structure. Now let’s take a look at how the copywriters from Lume used them in the following ad.
We’ll mostly go over this line by line.
Keep in mind, there are some comedic bits in here for entertainment value. So I’ll skip over them in the break down.
But I will come back to the use of humor for further analysis in this commercial. Watch the video below and we’ll get right into it.
Lume: “Deodorant Has Been Dumb for Centuries” Breakdown
“Deodorant has been dumb for centuries!”
The ad starts off with a bang. It makes a strong statement that certainly grabs your attention. It also arouses curiosity because you’re internally asking.
“Okay, why or how has been deodorant been dumb for centuries?”
This is when the spokesperson transitions into another structure element via…
“There’s been almost no innovation in deodorants in one hundred years”
The sales copy quickly presents the problem followed by a reveal of the product. The reveal of the product isn’t necessarily the Solution but a device to generate…
Interest + Promise
“But Lume is the first deodorant of its kind and will give you results you’ve never had!”
You sure about that Lume? You can see this sentence generates some interest and makes a promise which they will have to back up.
Whenever you make a promise in your sales copy, you need to provide…
“Unlike traditional and natural deodorants, Lume attacks odor at the actual source- bacteria!
B.O happens because bacteria live on your skin, eat your sweat, and produce gas.
So your stench isn’t you, it’s bacteria!”
Side note, the spokesperson also reassures the customer that B.O isn’t necessarily their fault since constant and severe B.O can really do a number on their self-esteem.
This is a good way of calming objections or roadblocks a person may have about using your product.
Because someone with severe B.O has probably tried a lot of other similar products that never worked and ended up feeling like…
“Yeah, I just have a strong B.O and I can’t do anything about it.”
“Which completely contradicts Newton’s second law, whoever smelt it dealt it, but science is curious.”
There’s a joke here, but that’s a good way to hold interest by incorporating humor. Notice how it’s just a quick joke then right back into selling…
Promise + Proof
“Lume is nothing like the deodorant you’ve used before. Just apply Lume like a lotion. This paralyzes your bacteria and stops them from eating your sweat and other funky junk.
If they can’t eat, they can’t reek.”
“B.O never even happens.”
Part of this sales copy also secretly paints a picture of B.O never being an issue. Think of how that can raise your customer’s self-esteem. They could even picture themselves busting crazy moves on the dance floor and not have to worry about B.O.
Interest + Proof
“Lume is not just deodorant, it’s preodorant. Lume’s so effective at battling bacteria, it’s clinically proven to control odor six times longer than the other leading natural deodorants”
The spokesperson leverages their performance in comparison to other products as proof.
Problem + Proof
“Most natural deodorants use baking soda, which is a base 100 times the alkalinity of the human skin.
Baking soda, a basic.
Human skin, slightly acidic.
What could go wrong?”
The spokesperson raises what’s wrong with other deodorants and how they are not meeting the customer’s needs.
“Oh yeah, chemical burns like this, and this, and this.
The video sales letter (VSL) then agitates the problem of basic-based deodorants you use by showing stark images of chemical burns on skin.
Sometimes, a problem won’t motivate a customer enough to buy until you remind them of how worse it can get if they don’t go with your product or solution.
Yeah, sometimes you have to twist the knife a little.
But it’s very important after employing a little bit of fear in your sales copy, you swing in with immediate relief.
Solution + Proof
“Lume on the other hand uses mandelic acid, a natural compound found in almonds. Mandelic acid’s a gentle ingredient that nourishes your skin’s protective acid layer.”
Interest + Desire + Picture
“It’s not the funnest acid but it is legal (lol, more humor)
And if it sounds familiar, mandelic acid is also used in facials for people with sensitive skin.
So yeah, Lume’s basically giving your armpits a facial”
This part of the sales copy creates interest, desire, and a picture in the customer’s head. This raises interest with anyone who has sensitive skin and desires pampering such as a facial.
And the hilarious idea of giving your armpits a facial makes for a funny yet beneficial picture.
“So click the link below to try Lume today.”
You can see the commercial has provided a lot of value and information so far, now they ask the customer to take action.
“Lume is so gentle you can safely use it anywhere you stink:
- tummy rolls
- back rolls
- body rolls
- all the rolls” (lol)
The promise also helps Lume stand out more as a deodorant you can use anywhere. So the promise implies another benefit of easy use. There’s a lot of reinforcement of reasons why the customer should take action after the soft pitch. You’ll see more of that below…
“Plus Lume’s dermatologist tested and doctor approved. In fact, it was invented by an OBG-YN, or as it’s officially called the no-no square doctor.
In fact over 12,000 people gave it five stars.”
They even show the inventor of Lume, Dr. Shannon Klingman, for further credibility. They also leverage the fact that they have 12,000 verified purchases as testimonials; more use of credibility.
Pitch + Agitate
“Still, if you try Lume and don’t love it, you can keep your money and your bacteria. Just send it back for a full refund, and enjoy your ‘pitri’ dish”
Haha, I actually love this subtle combination of pitching the offer guarantee but hitting the customer once again with Agitate.
Because if they’re still turning down the offer, the spokesperson reminds them of how bacteria can leave them a smelly mess.
“Pitri” dish, ha!
The imagery alone is gross and makes me want to buy so that doesn’t happen to me.
Pitch + Action + Proof + Agitate
“So click the link below to join over 1,000,000 people using Lume today. You’ll thank us... ”
At this point, the spokesperson is going all out and using a lot of elements. It’s basically the Hail Mary here, and reinforcing why you need to buy once again.
Take action because we already have a bunch of people using our product. Why not you? Do you still want to stink?
Now apart from using various sales elements, there was one sales mechanic used to improve their direct response.
Can you guess?
Yep, there was a lot of humor and comedic bits that complemented the VSL. It wasn’t overdone but simply used to transition from one sales element to another.
Everybody loves to laugh. If you can add value that way while you sell, you’re in the money.
Marketing and sales doesn’t have to be so stiff and formal all the time.
Since Lume grosses over $750,000 in sales annually…
It’s safe to say this ad is doing pretty well.
Remember, to save this Lume commercial in your swipe file in addition to our analysis of its copywriting template and sales elements.
It will teach you how to build sales copy instead of trying to write freestyle.
And it will save you a lot of time.
If you’ve also been struggling to write copy for your own campaign or not getting the performance you desire…
We can do a copy breakdown and help build it back up with these sales elements and better strategy.
That way you can focus on what you do best if writing sales copy is not your thing.
But that’s only if you work with us.
Until then, stay blessed.